How to help your partner


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How do you know if your partner is depressed, and what can you do to help? There are some healthy ways to encourage your partner to seek treatment, be open to their feelings, and work together to help them deal with it depression.

Signs of your partner’s depression

It could be early changes in your husband’s habits or daily behavior Signs of depressionRabbi Misha L. Ben David is a life coach and pastoral counselor at Neshama Counseling and Coaching in Austin, Texas.

“You may notice that they eat or drink differently, experience more sad behavior, or isolate themselves. They may avoid contacting you. Some people throw themselves into individual activities or hobbies, or even compulsive behaviors, such as buying cars or spending a lot of money.” , He says.

Suddenly, your partner may start to:

  • You cry or seem angry a lot
  • Lacking energy or interest in activities
  • You lose focus or focus
  • asleep Too often or too little
  • Drink more alcohol Than in the past or drug abuse
  • You lose interest in sex

Avoid the vicious cycle

If your depressed spouse withdraws from you or explodes in anger all the time, it’s easy to feel hurt and alienated, and react to similar behaviors, says Jack Barber, Ph.D., Dean of Gordon F. Derner Psychology at Adelphi University in Garden City, New York.

“This can create a vicious circle and get a husband with it depression They are even more depressed, alienated, angry, and withdrawn to themselves. ”“ You have to realize that dealing with depression is very difficult, and that your partner is not doing anything harmful. Depression. If someone is mad at you all the time, you want to be angry again! But remember: depression is not contagious. This will not last forever and can be treated. It’s easy to blame yourself. Most husbands survive this. “

Should you make an appointment to intervene with other friends and family to talk to your depressed spouse about their problems? “Be careful before you take this step,” says Ben-David.

“It is important not to be accused. It is even more important that you watch them and let them know what you have noticed. Say,“ I saw you looking more sad and unhappy. ”Talk about the changes you have noticed. It’s okay to share your feelings as well, and tell your wife that you have been hurt by certain behavioral changes Say to them, ‘We don’t have it Sex Any more than that. You don’t spend time with me. “

They may deny the problem

Ben David says a depressed husband might deny he has any problem at all.

“Many people are depressed or afflicted Psychological health Problems you do not want to “fix”. They might just want to be heard. If while listening to your partner, if you hear things that are extremely distressing that you cannot deal with, you should turn to a professional for help, “he says.” Your wife may not define her behaviors as depression. If they are having sex, drinking, drugs, or food, they might say, ‘I need this. It relieves Stress. ”

Encourage your partner to get help and a diagnosis from a mental health professional. They can start with Talk therapy Barber says, if they need it, a prescription. Make an appointment with Prof. psychologistOr a psychiatrist, counselor, or family physician for diagnosis and initiation Processing.

“Psychotherapy in addition to medication has proven more effective in treating depression than just medication.” Medicines without talking will not help, Barber says, adding that medications may be more appropriate for treating people with major depression.

She continued

Ben-David says that some couples choose to therapy together, especially if depression has led to sexual problems in the marriage, such as an affair. Your depressed partner may prefer individual therapy. If they are struggling with addictedThey need to address this before their depression is treated, he says.

“There is no quick fix. Some people might take one medication for depression and it doesn’t work, or they go to therapy and it doesn’t work for them,” says Ben David.

Be positive and be active

What if your husband refuses to go to treatment? You may feel hopeless, but try to stay positive, because depression is often treatable, says Barber. Although your partner may need to continue treatment and / or medication for a few months, up to 90% of people with depression improve with treatment.

“The important thing is to give them affection. You may feel rejected. But it’s situational, and their behavior is just part of depression,” he says. “Be encouraging. Invite them to do more fun activities together. Do something active like … Playing sports. Depression often causes lethargy. Invite your wife to go for a walk or to the beach if you have one nearby. “

She continued

Whether or not your husband agrees to go to therapy, there are a few things you shouldn’t do in response to his anger or denial, says Ben-David.

Avoid blaming them or attacking them for their behavior. Don’t keep saying, “I did this, and it made me feel bad.” Also, negotiating with them is generally not helpful. The all-or-nothing approach doesn’t work. Instead, suggest healthy activities that you can do together or with friends you trust. Go to an outdoor concert or listen to it. Music Both of you enjoy it. One of the behaviors that I sometimes describe for couples is reading to each other. This has a nurturing quality and can help bonding. “

Practice self-care

It is important that you take care of yourself while helping your depressed spouse. You may choose to begin therapy to express how you feel about your marriage and find ways to cope with it.

Here are some tips to help you stay emotionally and physically healthy:

  • Get enough sleep
  • Exercising regularly
  • Eat a healthy, balanced diet
  • Check out self-help books for partners of depressed couples

She continued

Don’t view your wife’s depression as a negative reflection on your value as a partner or as a person, says Ben-David.

“This can be very personal to you. If your spouse is behaving inappropriately, you can feel that these behaviors are an attack on you. You may feel that you have to take responsibility for this. It is important to include a file.” Psychological health “Professional if you blame yourself for your husband’s depression,” says Ben David. “Sometimes, both spouses can become depressed. There can be many problems that you both have to deal with.”

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